January 31, 2010

Man, I really have to start working on this whole patience thing. I'm very much one of those people that likes to get things done and do it right. But if it takes a little longer than expected I start to lose focus and drive and slowly drift away from the task at hand. I HATE admitting this about myself and it is most definitely not one of my attractive qualities. Luckily, I have wonderful people in my life that still love me anyway :). I need those people to tell me to slow down every once in a while.

History speaks for itself. I didn't think about the consequences of just up and moving to Nashville at the age of 18. All I knew was that was what I felt God was pulling me towards and I wanted to get out of Cincinnati. I dropped out of school for this reason as well and I didn't think about what was after all of this. In a way, this isn't a terrible thing. Most people wont do what they really want because they fear the unknown. But I definitely need a balance. Whoever decides it's a good idea to marry me will have to be one of those people that considers the consequences and weighs the good with the bad.

In the mean time, I'll have to learn to do that with Gods help. Cause Jesus knows I need as much help as I can get. This is just one of the many things I am working on right now. There are certain things in my life that are helping me learn this... as painful as it is. I know in the end I will appreciate these things, but right now I feel like I'm crawling. But of course I'm crawling because God knows my legs aren't strong enough yet to walk and He only wants the best for me.
It's what I need, right now.

On a side note: Alton did a fantastic job this weekend. The series in the high school has been about if you only have 30 days to live. What would you do differently? How would this affect your relationships? We have really tried to have the students walk away with something tangible. Whether it's a challenge at home or making a bucket list... it's not just going to church then forgetting what you just heard, it's a lifestyle change. Well, this is the last week and Alton spoke on forgiveness. That even the worst of the worst people you can think of know how to love their friends. As a Christ follower we are called to take it a step further and love the people that constantly piss us off. Sounds like the crappy end of the deal but it's deeper than our own selfish wants and needs. One of the most dangerous sins is bitterness because those roots can go so deep. It takes years to sometimes forgive certain people that have hurt us. One of the biggest things I learned over at YWAM was that sometimes it takes multiple times of forgiving someone to truly have forgiven them. I used to think that I just had to say it once, when in reality the bitterness rises when sparked by something and I'll have to say it again. I forgive you. And sometimes I have to say it to myself. Those are the hardest to forgive... your past mistakes. But if you can't forgive yourself, you wont be able to forgive someone else that has hurt you.

Ok, time to read. I'm starting a book I am very very excited about... thank you dad for your plethora of books in that library of yours downstairs.


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