April 20, 2009


Tomorrow I finally finish the application!! I'm going to the doctor and that's the last sheet that needs to be filled out. The only things left to do is print out my answers to the questions and get picture copies of my passport. Lastly, find somewhere that will exchange my american dollar for the australian dollar :). Soooooo close!!

I can't believe I put it off for this long but at least it's getting done. I'm going to ship it off Weds and thats final. I finally realized that I shouldn't keep putting this off and doubt was taking over my emotions. So I'm pushing through all of that and turning this sucker in.

I had an amazing conversation with Christine tonight. It made me wonder if I'm being to "nice" when it comes to Christianity. I mean, Jesus was always pushing the limits and making people question why they think what they think. Am I not being loud enough? I hold back saying so many things because I'm afraid I don't want to offend someone. But really, what's so offensive about saying they have a purpose and there is a reason why they are alive? I don't speak up enough. Funny, cause I need to realize people will obviously think I'm crazy. That's unavoidable.

I know someone that is a mutual friend to a lot of people I know here in Cincinnati and a lot of them aren't christians. One guy just said the other night, "I bet he's gonna come back all crazy..." and I didn't say a word. Why couldn't I just have said, actually- he's gaining a purpose and his eyes are being opened to how much people need love. He is actually learning to love in an even deeper way! The way Jesus did... the way so many people don't know how to. BUT of course I said nothing besides in a small barely heard voice, "no, i don't think he'll be weird."

I'm a coward and I want to learn how to not be.

I know about a love that is so deep, so pure and right. I want to tell everyone that yeah, life is rough but I know about something that is solid and can make it all worth living. I may not have all the answers but I do know what can give me peace in every situation I am in. It's way more personal than just a religion, it's more than a way of living... It's so much bigger than me and to know that I am loved no matter how bad I screw it up... that's an incredible feeling. It makes every insecurity seem so minuscule. Even though people think they know whats best for them... it's only a portion of what God really wants to give. Our happiness isn't even half of the joy God wants to give us.

I've been so distant from God recently and I don't read my bible HALF as much as I should. But I know the truth and I know that Jesus is everything I could possibly need in my life right now. Everything else is just okay. Everything else is so fickle and I don't know if it will last. My job, my living situation, an "interest", money... the list goes on! Any of those could change in a matter of days but Jesus is always changing things on me only to show me His character more and make me understand how much I need Him.

I need to focus more on the only solid thing in my life, Jesus.
Everything else will fall into place.


SarahShearer said...

If there was a "Like" button on here, I'd click it.

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