What's crazy about my life right now is in the midst of the madness of change... I feel peace. This is the only confirmation I have, honestly. I had dinner with a friend last night and we talked about how most people think they have a certain image of what their "calling" is. When really, we don't know and all we can take control of are the steps.
My first step is to move to Cincinnati... honestly to get me off my butt and DO something. Anything. I get so complacent here in Nashville. I couldn't tell you if this was the right direction or step but when it comes to seeking the Lord... this is all I know to do. And I know that if I seek first the Kingdom of God, then all these things will be given. So really, how can anyone go wrong when all they are trying to do is follow the Lord.
In a way, this is more thrilling to me than anything else. I get a rush when I start to take steps and have no idea what can come from it. After moving to Cincinnati so many different doors are opening in my life... who knows what my passion will become.
For example, I'll be around kids way more. I'll be a nanny for 10 and 14 year old boys... I never thought I would be a nanny actually. I'm excited to see where this pulls on my heart. I know that I love kids but I never had a way to really explore that area in my life. I also may help co-lead worship every once in a while in the Vineyard youth group. That to me is absolutely terrifying but in a good way. I feel like that is Gods way of pushing me spiritually. I stopped wanting to play music for the longest time, only because it started to totally be about me. This is a good way to keep that gift I feel God gave me... but fully do it for him. Makes me excited actually :). This also could open up other doors because what if the England YWAM isn't really where God wants me... what if he wants me at a base that is more focused towards worship!? So many questions that I know He will answer, eventually. Id rather them not be answered right away because then it wouldn't be faith I'm leaning on and half the adventure wouldn't exist.
It's nice to know that options are starting to open up. For a while I felt useless, I thought that playing my music was my calling and it was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Turns out... it's not. Hah. After realizing that... I had no idea what I was supposed to do or how to figure out other passions. Look how God can answer my prayers. Once you start moving... God does the rest. I'm starting to slowly take steps and God brings the options.
I'm trying to focus on the exciting things of Cincinnati right now. It's easy for me to get caught up in the nostalgic feelings of old times here in the ville. For instance, I wont be here for movies in the park, long walks down Belmont to Bongo, or dance parties in East Nashville. Pretty depressing to think about... so I have to focus on the good things about Cincinnati. Like, new places to explore, new friends to be made, and major God changes in my life.
Well, Britt and I are leaving Crema now.
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