February 16, 2009

No title.

Church was rough tonight.

I'm going to miss the echoing voices in that small building.
I'm going to miss all the familiar faces that I have come to love.
I'm going to miss my best friends who I get to experience spiritual maturity and changes with.
I'm going to miss being around young folks all the time.
I'm going to miss all my girl friends who I can't get enough of.
I'm going to miss laying on the floor with my roommates talking.
I'm going to miss running into at least 3 people at Fido everyday.
I'm going to miss going to Qdoba with Lisa.
I'm going to miss Gossip Girl with Britt and Lisa.
I'm going to miss the small town feel of Nashville.
I'm going to miss FiveGuys cheeseburgers.
I'm going to miss all the good shows touring through Nashville.
I'm going to miss people knowing me for me... not who I used to be.
I'm going to miss the community house and all of its madness.
I'm going to miss the East Nashville dance parties with Britt.
I'm going to miss the girls from Fire Finch.
I'm going to miss walking into Harris Teeter and knowing almost everyone that works there!
I'm going to miss movies in the park and the nasty humid air.

I'm going to miss a lot of things.

But I have so much more to look forward to. God is going to restore so much in me, I can't turn down an opportunity like that. Plus I get to see my family so much more... If this YWAM thing really does happen, I want to be with my family as much as possible before flying across the world. I really am a home body but its funny because I love a good adventure. I can't turn something new and exciting down... so as painful as it is... I'll do it.

I'm pretty terrible with goodbyes and I'm pretty sure some people at The Anchor still don't know I'm leaving on Friday. I feel bad but I just didn't want to talk about it anymore and I hate how that was the only conversation topic. I just don't like when the conversation turns and is all about me and what I am doing and why I am doing it. I would much rather talk about anything else.

I wish I could have gotten to know some people a lot better. That's my fault for not doing anything about it. I hate how I just "never had the time" when really, I could have made the time. I feel like I was scared to really invest in some people cause I looked up to them so much. Maybe I didn't want to disappoint them. So it wasn't them, it was me and my insecurities.

I hate letting people down. It's an annoying trait of mine.

I took quite a few pictures tonight and I can't wait to post them. I have to get that stinkin cord that hooks up my camera to my computer though. Why did I have to lose that thing? It's pretty important. I've put it off though for so long... just don't really ever think about going to Radio Shack.

Anyways, God is gonna do some big things in my life and I can't wait to see how all that unfolds. I feel it in my bones... aka soul. You know that feeling. When change is about to happen and major life lessons will be given. I'm excited slash terrified. I have a feeling the passion of playing music is gonna seep back into my life but in a way I would have never thought it would. Of course that's the way it works though. I mean, look at the title of my blog. Derp.

I often say things but don't really listen to myself. Then I repeat it and think, wait a minute... haven't I heard that somewhere??

Well, my parents are in town and they are taking all the big stuff back to Cincy tomorrow. I'll be sleeping on an air mattress for the remaing 4 nights. All of my belongings will be accessable to small animals, small trolls and fairies. Basically all of my crap will be on the floor. Not too different from where it is now except it will be everything. I have a feeling I will have a minor break down tomorrow again. I'm getting sick of crying honestly. I haven't cried too much... only during the major obvious changes. 1. When I lived in an empty house cause my roommates moved out early. 2. I moved to brentwood and realized I wont live downtown anymore. 3. At church tonight cause it was my last sunday. So all of these were major moments... but this week is gonna exhaust me since everything is gonna be a major moment. I'm determind to not have anymore break downs... but I give you no guarentees. Bleh, I hate crying infront of people. It just gets so awkward.

Man, I can't wait for God to do some major changes in my life. I'm doin the steppin but he is totally taking control. I'm finally relieved that I am at least taking a step. For so long I was just standing there looking around... enjoying the view. Which, isn't a bad thing... but you can only do that for so long. It's time to continue on my journey because I am so young and still have so much more to learn and see. I can't just stop to smell one flower when I have a whole field to smell!! I found myself having the same worries as my 25-30 year old friends. I tend to forget that I am JUST now turning 21 and have so much to do.

Ahhh to be young and free.


dave workman said...

Great post, Kate. I'm glad we got to be at the Anchor with you on your last weekend. I know God has great things in store for you. And I'm really glad you'll be in Cincy so we can celebrate your turning 21. Whoohoo!

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