December 13, 2009


  1. I don't know what is next
  2. I don't have a degree to get a job that has benefits so I can live
  3. I am absolutely terrified about this worship internship
  1. I hope that God keeps me in this place of dependency
  2. I hope I never begin to believe I can "handle" my life
  3. I want to constantly put myself in places that push me

What I hope for is what I also resist constantly. The funny thing is... I feel like God is telling me to stay here in Cincinnati and for most people, staying somewhere is the easy part. The hardest thing for me to do is to be okay having plans to go nowhere. I need to learn how to be okay with where I am at. That's so hard to do though when where you are at seems so insignificant. I have to constantly remind myself that that isn't what life is about. It's not about me. I know, surprise surprise! I'm pretty terrible at letting go of my own wants and needs. This was all apparent to me while over seas but it's been hitting me in the face quite a few times since I've been back. I want to learn to serve people better and not have to think twice about it.

even this blog is so self consumed.

I hope that when people read this blog, they realize how much I do NOT have it all together. I'm pretty good at this point coming up with answers for questions that I get asked all the time. So since I've been back I've been really trying my hardest to answer the question in a way that I remember the trip on that particular day. That way the answer is never the same and each person gets a different learning experience and its genuine because that is the wisdom I am most likely trying to apply at the time.

Sometimes I over think when I talk to people which then makes the conversation awkward because I am so consumed with trying to think of what to say rather than just listening. I really do have good intentions though... I want people to know that I really am interested in them.

Ah, I need a job.

Lord, save me.


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