January 31, 2010

Man, I really have to start working on this whole patience thing. I'm very much one of those people that likes to get things done and do it right. But if it takes a little longer than expected I start to lose focus and drive and slowly drift away from the task at hand. I HATE admitting this about myself and it is most definitely not one of my attractive qualities. Luckily, I have wonderful people in my life that still love me anyway :). I need those people to tell me to slow down every once in a while.

History speaks for itself. I didn't think about the consequences of just up and moving to Nashville at the age of 18. All I knew was that was what I felt God was pulling me towards and I wanted to get out of Cincinnati. I dropped out of school for this reason as well and I didn't think about what was after all of this. In a way, this isn't a terrible thing. Most people wont do what they really want because they fear the unknown. But I definitely need a balance. Whoever decides it's a good idea to marry me will have to be one of those people that considers the consequences and weighs the good with the bad.

In the mean time, I'll have to learn to do that with Gods help. Cause Jesus knows I need as much help as I can get. This is just one of the many things I am working on right now. There are certain things in my life that are helping me learn this... as painful as it is. I know in the end I will appreciate these things, but right now I feel like I'm crawling. But of course I'm crawling because God knows my legs aren't strong enough yet to walk and He only wants the best for me.
It's what I need, right now.

On a side note: Alton did a fantastic job this weekend. The series in the high school has been about if you only have 30 days to live. What would you do differently? How would this affect your relationships? We have really tried to have the students walk away with something tangible. Whether it's a challenge at home or making a bucket list... it's not just going to church then forgetting what you just heard, it's a lifestyle change. Well, this is the last week and Alton spoke on forgiveness. That even the worst of the worst people you can think of know how to love their friends. As a Christ follower we are called to take it a step further and love the people that constantly piss us off. Sounds like the crappy end of the deal but it's deeper than our own selfish wants and needs. One of the most dangerous sins is bitterness because those roots can go so deep. It takes years to sometimes forgive certain people that have hurt us. One of the biggest things I learned over at YWAM was that sometimes it takes multiple times of forgiving someone to truly have forgiven them. I used to think that I just had to say it once, when in reality the bitterness rises when sparked by something and I'll have to say it again. I forgive you. And sometimes I have to say it to myself. Those are the hardest to forgive... your past mistakes. But if you can't forgive yourself, you wont be able to forgive someone else that has hurt you.

Ok, time to read. I'm starting a book I am very very excited about... thank you dad for your plethora of books in that library of yours downstairs.

January 29, 2010

my hair takes way too long to grow.
hurry up.

January 27, 2010

January 25, 2010

Can I have him? Please.

January 24, 2010

Dont mess with the force...

January 23, 2010


I've been sick these past few days (temp. of 103) and it has given me a lot of time to think, that is when my head isn't throbbing. I watched an entire film on the Weatherman Underground and was just in shock for most of the time. I hate admitting that most likely, if I were alive during that time... I would have wanted to just stay out of everything and not bother anyone.

I pray that God puts a passion that can't be quenched in my heart
for the broken and lost.

I'm tired of my lack of urgency to DO anything. And how easily we forget the power of prayer and how BIG God is. I may not be able to do anything physically but there is a spiritual warfare going on and I can take part in that. I was reading more about abortions and I hate that I haven't done more about this before. There is going to be a night of prayer and worship at Faith Christian Fellowship on Tuesday night. I plan on putting my faith to work that night and living out what I am called to do in this life.

Like my dad said on Sunday, "God didn't call us to be just nice people" If that were it, I would have been out of the game a long time ago. Jesus shook the culture around him at that time... He wasn't there to make "good people." The disciples wouldn't have been beaten, killed, stoned and imprisoned for me to be moral. GOD the creator of all the heavens and earth wouldn't have sent His son to die a horrible death on the cross just so I could hopefully get up on a Sunday morning and go to church.

He sent His son so I could live. Not a life restricted with rules but a life full of REAL joy and hope. I have something to live for and I have a God that loves me so much. Our bodies are all destined to die... ever since the fall. And God has so much mercy that He allows us to constantly fail but try again.

Like a child learning to walk, my Father doesn't get angry when I fall
but rejoices when stand up and take that first step.

I honestly don't know where this came from... kind of vomited words just then. Felt like I needed to write that and I probably needed to say it out loud for myself more than anyone else.

I want to leave you with one of my favorite bands and one of their many terrific songs:

January 20, 2010

Leap Year!!

There is an amazing new movie out about MY BIRTHDAY!! I feel like my birthday is forgotten because well... it doesn't exists 3 out of 4 years.

But I need to see this movie, asap.

January 18, 2010

This is what I do when I get bored...

January 16, 2010

This is gonna be a fun weekend!

I love journaling at this starbucks... Its like a cottage :)

January 13, 2010


I'm getting married here:
Hello Chicago.

Recently read:

"Advice columnist Ann Landers once gave some helpful advice regarding the work marriage involves. One of her readers lamented the unrealistic ideas many girls had of marriage, beseeching, 'Why don't you level with them, Ann?' Landers replied:

I have leveled with the girls -- from Anchorage to Amarillo.
I tell them that all marriages are happy.
It's the living together afterward that's tough.
I tell them that a good marriage is not a gift,
It's an achievement.
That marriage is not for kids. It takes guts and maturity.
It separates the men from the boys and the women from the girls.
I tell them that marriage is tested daily by the ability to compromise.
Its survival can depend on being smart enough to know what's worth fighting about.
Or making an issue of or even mentioning.
Marriage is giving -- and more important, it's forgiving.
And it is almost always the wife who must do these things.
Then, as if that were not enough, she must be willing to forget what she forgave.
Often that is the hardest part.
Oh, I have leveled all right.
If they don't get my message, Buster,
It's because they don't want to get it.
Rose-colored glasses are never made in bifocals
Because nobody wants to read the small print in dreams."

I think with my age and all the seasonal love going around, people need to remind themselves of these things... Especially girls. If we get the reality of marriage in our heads, we will be able to walk into our next relationships with a clear prospective. It's going to be hard work which makes me grateful for this time being single to prepare my heart and attitude. Plus, I am still needing to work on friendships and relationships with my family. If I can't serve them, how could I serve a husband?

I never wanted to really write about boys on here, but... I'm excited to see who God puts in my life and am going to patiently wait. Patience isn't my strongest trait and obviously God wants to work on that, so here we go.

January 11, 2010

Job Description:

"Must be able to stand the duration of shift and perform routine tasks with a minimum of supervision,
Requires bending, stooping, reaching, kneeling, twisting, grasping, pushing and pulling."

January 10, 2010

Do what you love.

Ever since I've been back I have been trying to figure out "what's next." I got so tired of asking God that I finally just gave up trying to figure it out. I didn't stop moving forward, just stopped trying to plan out/organize my next big endeavor. I wasn't being ok with where I was at and wearing myself out trying to make my life seem more exciting than what it sounds like. To most people my life probably sounds typical and sort of mundane if I tried explaining to them what a week looked like.

But God has been working on my heart this whole time. If my life were any different, these dark spots wouldn't be brought up and I wouldn't have to deal with them. It's causing me to be stronger in areas I didn't know needed work. I love/hate how God teaches me lessons in the most unpredictable ways.

A knew passion has been ignited in my heart recently. I never knew how much I LOVE playing worship music. I love working in the Student Union. Hands down the most encouraging environment I have ever been in. Everyone has been so supportive of me playing and have challenged me in some areas as well. Every weekend I look forward to getting back on stage and worshiping with a gift I didn't really think I had. I'm slowly beginning to gain more and more courage up on stage which makes me less distracted so I can actually worship. I focus less on what I'm playing and more on singing to my Father. Playing my guitar becomes more natural and I already can hear a difference.

This weekend has been the best weekend yet since Australia. The best part is, it wasn't because of a party or friends (all great things)... it was simply being able to serve God and use a gift He has given me. It's been a long time since I feel like I have served God... rather than asking Him to serve me.

Next weekend is going to crazy!! I am so so so so excited to play for the adults over the in the main service (celebration, sorry dad). It's somewhat nerve racking but a good kind of rush! I don't think I have ever played in front of this many people and Dustin is having me lead a song. You better believe I'm gonna be practicing in my sleep! That way when I get on stage, I can tune out all my fears and insecurities and fully be engaged with Jesus while playing on a KILLER sound system. :) can't go wrong there.

I am so thankful God brought me back to a place I never thought I'd be, while doing something I never thought I'd do.

January 6, 2010

#97 Patrick Watson / Part 4 - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

Patrick Watson @ Soirée de poche - Slip into your skin from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

He is what I listened to on all the plane rides...

Owls are so 2009...

It's time to let the foxes take over 2010...

January 5, 2010

i like this.

Who Knew?!

Uh, no one told me Chris Thile was extremely attractive?!!
It shouldn't be allowed to have that much talent AND good looks...


January 4, 2010

We watched this movie in Australia and you can buy it on Amazon...
incredibly inspiring.

January 3, 2010

Ok, so I'm not gonna lie. I was not pumped about this new year at all. But Briana summed up my life perfectly:

I'm looking out at an open sea in a small boat and I don't even have paddles.

I feel like God is telling me to be ok with this picture. I have to be ok with having 0 expectations or major plans right now... because He will provide the adventure. By the end of the new years eve festivities I slowly became really sad. I realized how I didn't have any major traveling adventures to look forward to this year and turning 22 isn't really all too exciting. So then that causes me to ask God this question, how do I make this year more about you and less about me?

What can I do this year to further His kingdom and not just go with what I think is the next thing? I told myself I didn't want to act on a whim anymore... I wanted to go to God first with everything I even THINK about doing. Whether it's a relationship or career, I want God to be the first to say what's next. So when it comes to 2010, I'm going to let God unfold what's next... I don't have a say because what I have tried in the past has failed.

So here's to the new year and learning to hear God speak!

January 1, 2010

Happy New Year Everyone!

I don't know how this year could possibly top last... but here we go!